Sounds weird right? An introvert who loves to be the centre of attention? Let me introduce you to the world of being a Social Introvert. A Social Introvert tends to use a great deal of energy to function in social situations. When the interaction ends, they might feel quite drained and express a need to run for cover and be alone for a while.
And yet, these interactions are critical to their health and wellbeing. No matter how exhausted a given social encounter might make them feel afterwards, the social Introvert will always go back for more. It’s a drug they simply can’t live without.
The cost of all that focused mental, physical, and emotional energy is worth it to them. A classic cost benefit ratio win because they find the results of their interpersonal interactions so fulfilling and rewarding. Without people in their lives, they would feel empty and deprived of those who bring them the most joy.
To give a sense of what it means, the Social Introvert is like the person who takes up skydiving, mountain climbing, bungee jumping, hang gliding, or car racing. They might well get very nervous before doing these things and feel relieved when it’s all over. But the exhilaration they experience inspires them to return to the sky, ledge, mountainside, or cockpit again and again. My god do they feel alive in that moment.
This is how I feel when I host large scale events. Often, I have attendees coming to me and remarking on just how much energy I bring to the days. Acting as I do like some giant power bank for the audience over the course of several intensive days, but what they don’t always see is me quietly slipping out when keynote speakers take the stage and retreating to a favourite album or even a podcast in the splendid isolation of wearing headphones and sitting alone in a quiet room.
If it’s so draining? Why do I do it?
In short, it’s because of that risk of getting it wrong, the exhilaration of getting it right and taking a sizeable crowd on a shared emotional journey. Imagine stepping into one of those visualisation exercises where you are told to close your eyes and imagine a moment where you are at your best. To turn up the volume and hear everything like it’s through the very finest Bang & Olufsen sound system. To feel the sensations on your skin as the hairs stand up. Everything dialled up to 11 to tap into the cultural reference that is ‘This is Spinal Tap’.
How many of us are there out there? Are we a common trait amongst many? How can you tell?
How to spot a Social Introvert (or tell if you are one)
A social Introvert is a bit like an Extravert, but there are some important differences. Here are just a few:
The Social Introvert gravitates to people they already know
An Extravert can potentially thrive and feel comfortable in most all environments. But a Social Introvert will have clear and definite preferences. They will usually feel much more comfortable and at ease with people they know, and with whom they’ve interacted with and spent time with, in the past. Or if they are going to have to make sew connections, they steel themselves and focus on the pragmatic benefits of such a hefty personal investment of energy.
A Social Introvert may feel inadequate and intimidated in environments that expose them to many new people. They may avoid conversation rather than jumping into the mix, even though deep down they might like to participate. When they’re with the people they care about the most, however, social Introverts can be enthusiastic and effusive. They will gladly initiate and guide the discussion if no one else is doing so.
Social Introverts favour group activities
When they’re getting stuck in with others who share their interests an activity organised for the group, a Social Introvert feels in their element. In these situations, the activity draws everyone’s attention. Conversation has a natural feel and tends to be easy as everyone is focused on the same things.
For Social Introverts, group activities are ideal ways to get together with others. The energy is positive, as everyone enters excited and ready to have a good time. The social Introvert won’t have to carry the conversation but can simply enjoy being an observer and occasional contributor.
The Social Introvert shares the typical Introvert’s distaste for small talk
Introverts aren’t fans of small talk, and the Social Introvert is no exception. Small talk is a waste of time and energy, and it prevents the conversation from going to the next level.
Of course, though, most new relationships start with small talk and so the Social Introvert kind of needs to get involved in this. A necessary burden sometimes, which is why most social Introverts will try to develop their casual conversation skills to at least some extent. Nevertheless, when they’re forced to engage in small talk, they don’t see it as a really good chance to get to know more about someone. For the Social Introvert, small talk is a survival strategy at best and at worst the kind of situation that feels like a rogue app on the phone that zaps the battery life quicker than ever intended.
Social Introverts love social situations where talking can be avoided
A Social Introvert will enjoy a good natter, as long as it is with people they know or who otherwise make them feel comfortable. But these interactions can still be hard work, which is why social Introverts especially enjoy shared encounters where the need to speak is limited or even better yet can be largely avoided. Think concerts, plays or sporting events. In these environments they can be part of a large crowd, enjoying the action or entertainment as they feed off the energy of the group. They are motivated to contribute to that energy, which is why they will often be among those who clap, cheer, or react most enthusiastically. Ask those who stand alongside me at Leeds United games, and they’ll vouch for this.
Social Introverts have their boundaries and want them to be respected
Extraverts are usually ‘any time and any place’ when it comes to a conversation. Gaining energy and motivation from socialising. They don’t have to be talking all the time to be happy, they won’t pass up the chance when it arises.
A Social Introvert, on the other hand, prefers to control their level of social involvement. Social interactions demand energy to navigate, and the Social Introvert can only invest their energy in these activities for a while before they need to escape and recharge their mental and emotional batteries. Consequently, they won’t always be receptive to the efforts of others to strike up a conversation and will let others know about it by retreating when they want their privacy.
Still not Sure? How about these?
One way to know is to ask those close to you for their opinion about your personality. If they can all easily identify you as Introverted, it’s much less likely that you’re a Social Introvert.
Even the most reserved Introvert will enjoy some socialising. So, just being willing to take part in conversations is not a benchmark to qualify you as a Social Introvert. You’ve kind of got to be into it more than the average Introvert and show that. Thing is that if you do, do that, then there’s a good chance that some of your friends and family members won’t recognise your essential Introverted nature.
So, what about your attitude toward events that Introverts frequently avoid? Large parties or celebratory gatherings, family or school reunions, work conferences, or other events where a person would be expected to have a lot of interactions with many different people, including many who they know only casually or not at all.
If you actually enjoy attending such events, even if only once in a while, it’s a strong marker that you’re a Social Introvert.
As a final sign, consider your willingness to take social risks. A true Social Introvert needs other people, enough so that on occasion they will initiate a dialogue with someone even though it makes them feel uncomfortable. If they don’t have a friend or close relative around to lean on, they will start the conversation anyway, if they find a potential companion interesting enough. Yeah, so apologies to anyone I’ve ever dragged into a conversation in a bar simply because I’ve been bored on my own.
The Social Introvert won’t be a frequent risk taker in social situations. That would simply be too difficult for them to handle. But their desire for a vibrant social life is strong and irrepressible, and if they’re without meaningful human contact for too long they will take bold steps to end their isolation.
